Color Issues

This one is going to be a quickie because I have homework pouring out of my ears. So I was on BeyondBlackandWhite and I read this article about Snoop's poor baby girl getting trash talked due to her weight and the hue of her skin.

I understand that not every dark skinned girl/woman/female is cute but neither is every light skinned girl/woman/female. I can't pass the paper bag test to save my life, and I personally get sick of guys telling me that I look pretty "for a dark girl" (*side eye....* how am I supposed to answer that exactly? I don't feel that you merit a thank you...)

From my experience (and from other commenter's experiences) it is mainly black men and women who have a problem with a black girl being dark skinned. A lot of black people show a dislike for black features. They will ridicule a fellow black person for having dark skin, kinky hair, big lips, a flat nose, etc. But as another commenter on the site stated, this is true in other races as well. It is just an ugly cycle of self hatred that goes on in different racial communities, not just the black ones.

Anyways. This poor girl has lupus, so her weight may be due to side effects from her medications. I hate it when people comment on another's person's weight anyway. (oooh girl she is too big she needs to put down that hamburger) or (oooh girl she is too skinny she needs to pick up a hamburger). In either situation it is A) none of your business and B) ridiculously disgusting and rude to comment on it. Every big person does not have an eating problem and every small person is not anorexic.

Well that is my bit. Have any of you ever been treated differently due to your weight or skin color? Don't hesitate :)

Whatcha Man Gotta Do With Me?

Picture by: Sam Howzit

Men. They come in all shapes, colors, sizes and levels of maturity. And with a variation of lame or stupid pick up lines.

Men, while approaching a lady (not a female, a lady) and expressing interest, if the young lady replies that she has a boyfriend/fiance/husband DO NOT reply with: "Whatcha man gotta do with me?" or "What does that have to do with me and you?" or "So? This is college."

You're already showing your lack of respect for monogamous relationships and therefore any decent woman will immediately lose interest.

Or perhaps you're not even looking for a decent woman which is why you thought that line would work?

Ladies have you had experiences with lame or inappropriate pick up lines?

:)

Who Wears Short Shorts?: Racial Double Standards

Photo By: Jemingway

Sorry guys. It's the best pic I can find wihtout being overtly gross. And I was going to find a pic to use (preferably for free) of a black girl in shorts and have you compare the two photos. However I don't think there are many pics of black women on the internet that are both free to use and non pornographic. (seriously I googled free pics of black women (okay in hindsight it sounds stupid) but I got several porn sites in return.)

I've notived the double standard of black/white girl codes of dress. Most commonly (from my eperiences, anyway) tis deals with shorts, skirts, any type clothing that reveals the legs. It's unfortunately really common for people to disapprove of a black woman wearing short shorts, short skirts, etc., while white women often do with no reperussions. No one says they look like a ho or that they should cover up.

A friend of mine stated that this was the same way in her high school. The black girls in her school were told to go home or that they need to change if they are seen wearing shorts or skirts at school, while non black students were allowed full freedom of dress. One teacher stated that this rule was because non black students "had more curvacious figures" than their black peers, and therefore was less of a threat to disrupting education.

I call BS on the whole thing. I'm black. I have little to no curves as is the case for many black girls/women. And yet we still don't have free license as far as dress wihtout getting the side eye.

I believe this standard goes even farther than trendy clothing. This has alot to do with how black women are and have been portrayed for a very long time. Black women are viewed as un-feminine sex objects, therefore we are taught that we are not as appealing as our non black counterparts, and are not granted the same benefit of being thought of as innocent until proven slutty.

This topic remind me of an article on Beyond Black & White, where the author Christelyn Karazin explains why she doesn't believe black women can participate in the feminist movement of the Slut Walk in the same way that a white woman can. The Slut Walk movement is an attempt to 'shock' society by showing womn of all races marching down the street in scantily clad wear.

While this may jerk at the hearts of those who view non black women as innocent, pure, and virginal. What will it say about black women who have never had the privilage of being thought as such? The jist of this is that since black women are already viewed as sluts, hos, tricks etc., there will be no shock value from seeing a black woman struttin' down the street in lingerie. That simply would be reinforcing the already overdone stereotype of the oversexualized black woman. Kind of counterproductive for a feminist movement.

I've even heard people say (when I bring up this argument randomly) that white women are just allowed to wear these things because when black girls do it it's probably to gain male attention. (This person was not black.)

I guess I can see this point because I know quite alot of thirsty, fresh, hot, and whatever other slang term to mean just plain FAST girls around campus who actually do dress for male attention. And these people may be getting their information from various rap videos or club visits.
Whatever.

 But to assume the entire black female population are wearing shorts or skirts to gain a man is insulting and racist and just plain stupid. I wear shorts/skirts/dresses because I live in the south and it's 90-100 degrees and I just refuse to be uncomfortable in that kind of heat and I don't give a rats balls what guy looks or doesn't look because I don't value myself based on that.

So what about you guys? Have you gotten side eyes for your choice of dress while surrounded by non blacks who are doing the same? What are your experiences with Racial Double Standards?

Don't hesitate :)



Blogs I'm Obsessed With

Photo By: Rob Pearce

There are times when you're thinking something random or you're feeling some type of way and a friend says exactly what you're thinking and feeling at the moment.

It's the "That's what I'm talkin bout!" moment that people often share and relish in. The acknowledgement that you are not the only human being in the world with this particular pet peeve o thought or belief.

With that being said, I've recently found some great women who are bloggers and I CANT STOP READING their posts. I honestly think I've read every article on each of their sites. I hope I can be as good as them one day but sometimes I get a bit spazzish as I write and I'm not sure if my point is getting across. (Maybe you've noticed? Lol).

But anyways I was doing random link clickage starting at BitchMedia which led me to Blogher which led me to Yes, We're Together. That blog site led me to Beyond Black & White and then on that site I found Living Single and Christian and finally that site led me (somehow I don't quite remember lol) to Politically Unapologetic. All of these links lead to many great, smart female writers so feel free to click away and mention who sent you their way. :)



Booquisha?

It's late.

I have class in the morning.

But I had to hop out of bed as soon as I heard this. I'm flipping through channels and I land on Lifetime and see yet another stage mom show. This time it's Abbey Lee's Dance Company show and cool we'll see how this goes.

One of the dance moms, Holly, the only black one, s a little black girl in the dance crew, and she is offended that her daughter's costume is the only animal print one. Okay I can see the offensiveness there.
But then the Company director (Abbey Lee I guess). asked her to have an afro for the performance.

I can kind of see the offense in that. Maybe the mom thought her daughter would be the object of ridicule being the only brown girl with afro hair. But Holly's reaction was uncalled for none the less.

"I'm not Booquisha! We don't wear afros!"

Now that was offensive. Afro does NOT equal ghetto. And to have a black woman say so is even more so offensive. Honey we know what you and your daughter's hair looks like without a perm. An it ain't straight.

She goes on to complain to the white Dance moms about how black people have "worked so hard to get past all that, It's the 21st century"

Get past what exactly? Our own blackness? The soft, beautiful, versatile hair that God blessed us with?

You're right Dance Mom Holly. It is the 21st century. So time to get rid of your hangups and get with the natural movement. Maybe the Dance Lady wanted you daughter to have an afro to Celebrate the difference between her and the other girls.

And maybe you should learn to celebrate black hair too.

I AM ASHAMED

GROOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSS!!!

Sorry if you couldn't get through a full four minutes of that. But I just had to write about it.

This. Is. Ridic.

There is not enough money in the world to make me do anything like this (not that I could move like that anyway lol) but still. Black women participating in things like this is what sets us back. It's what makes guys call us slurs rather than names. And people just accept it. SMDH!!!

Rap Video Girls!

I don’t have to point out the disgusting image of black women that is portrayed by the rap community (and yes, I know it’s not all of them but A LOT of them). I mean just look at the video. It says it all. 

 And women claim to like and accept this music despite the message because they ‘like the beat’Is this how girls run the world? Running what exactly? How can you be empowered as a woman while accepting that the culture most popular with black men says you’re best suited on your back or on your knees?

And men are sold this kind of lifestyle because it appeals to them. A life of being rich and getting hoes probably sounds a hell of a lot better than the situation a lot of young black men are in. So they become fed this sense of entitlement that that is the life they deserve and therefore those types of females (note I didn’t say WOMEN) are those that they deserve.

And what do black women do to retaliate? Do we band together and as one fight this objectification of women?

Nope.

A lot of women would rather conform to the idea of what a bad man (not necessarily a black man because there are rotten bananas in each bunch) than lose the chance to be in a relationship.

You can’t simultaneously beg for better treatment and accept bullshit at the same time.

Penis on a Pedestal?

Picture by: terren in Virginia

And the winner is....?

I live in the south. And a lot of people have their own personal opinions about interracial relationships. Specifically MY interracial relationship.

My boyfriend is white and I'm obviously black and I've written about certain annoyances we've encountered just because we're not the same skin tone. And I understand the historical reasons why some people don't agree with interracial relationships, but those reasons can be just as stupid or hurtful as anything else.

But I've found myself meeting a strange reaction from some black women that I find just as taxing as the free love haters. Of course there are lots of african american women who feel as if any relationship that is not black on black is wrong, but alot of the time I get this reaction:

"You date a white boy? For REAL? How can I get one?"

or

"You need to train ME on how to get one!"

Sighs.

Are white men really such a commodity that some women feel as if it is a sign of 'coming up' if you get a white man to be interested in you? I honestly don't think so. I love my babe to death bt if I'd met a black, hispanic, asian, purple, green, blue man who matched me as perfectly as he did prior to our dating relationship, then I would be with them. My attraction has nothing to do with his skin tone but whats inside him is what atracts me the most.

And it perplexes (and worries) me that soem black women actually believe that by dating outside theri race, they will actually find a man that deserves them and will treat them right. White guys cheat and abuse just like black does, hispanic, asian, etc guys do and it has nothing to do with skin tone but the hurtful and hateful person inside of them.

Another reason this worries me because that whole white man can do know wrong mentality is what alot of black women who see the beauty in interracial relationships are bombarded with from family members and others in the black community. The disgusting accusation that because a black woman is with a white man (or any other race than black) is because she secretly or outwardly hates black men and believes that other races are superior. Maybe some black woman actually feel this way, but that is not the case with me and I'm sure a number of women don't agree with that either.

So my question is why do some women put certain men on a pedestal? This doesn't have to just be about white men, but any race of man. I hate the whole 'my (insert race her) man is better thn yours because (insert stereotype here). So be honest and do NOT be hurtful while commenting because like it or not, Love knows no race.

:)



Everyone Likes Me (and other lies I told myself in highschool)

i dunno why i chose balloons

This piece is not a pity piece though I understand that the title may be misleading. It's not one of those annoying articles where the girl  goes "Oh! I'm so ugly and unpopular! Somebody please comment and tell me otherwise!" The truth is I don't believe either of those things and it's not because I'm conceited but because I know exactly who and what I am. Which brings me to the first thing on my list:

1. I know exactly who and what I am

I understand that there are some people who feel like they know who they are and what they want at age 16, 18..21....whatever. But I'm just not that person. Sure I know and understand somethings about myself but I'm only 20 years old. My brain hasn't even fully developed yet and I'm definitely not done maturing, but in high school I thought I was. I'm sure plenty of young girls feel that same way. You get one grade closer to college freedom and they think they know everything and more than everyone. You're one hundred percent sure that you want to be a model, actress, hairstylist, scientist, engineer when you get older. Your style is indie chic with a single dread or pink streak in the front of your head to show everyone you're an individual and you're damn sure not gonna change anytime soon.

But it's not true. Most college students change their majors at least once and lots of people who decide college is not their ideal life path find that they become interested in new things as they grow.

Me? I've known I've wanted to be a writer since elementary school and that's about the only thing that has remained the same. My ambitions, clothes, beliefs have changed so often since then. And not that I was being untrue to who I was or "fake" as the young kids say. But I believe each phase was just a little piece of who I actually am. For example I used to think that I was shy and quiet only to realize my Sophomore year of college that I'm quite opinionated and outspoken. Sure at times I'm still shy but it's no longer something I would label myself as since it doesn't happen as frequently.

 So will I ever know and understand each piece that makes up the puzzle of me? No. I don't think I will and I kind of like it that way. Take THAT high school me.

2. Everyone Likes Me

This next number kind of goes hand in hand with the first. Since I've explored many different aspects of my personality, I've found myself in a wide range of different groups of people who I could identify myself with at the time. That being said I've always had at least one close friend in my life with lots of associates, and honestly, that's okay with me. I'd much rather have a single best friend than a thousand facebook ones.

Anyway, I'm not sure how i happened. I guess I've always been pretty well liked and I never stepped on anyones toes on purpose, therefore at some point I got it into my head that everyone likes me. Imagine my surprise when people tell me that so and so thinks I'm stuck up or the old playground accusation of "she thinks she's allll that!". Even in college some of my friends have told me that when they first saw me they thought I might be prissy and a little stuck up.

I'm not sure how anyone got these ideas even now. I don't talk about myself or my goals excessively and even so a lot of these people make this assumption based on my appearance which I think is kind of stupid. I try to appear put together and confident because I am. That doesn't mean I'm stuck up. But I digress. My point is (trust me there is one haha) that everyone is not going to like you and the more people you meet and the more friends you make the more people you're going to piss off. Sometimes for doing nothing at all. But the important thing is for you to be okay with that. I know some friends who thrive off the approval of others. But as long as you're happy with yourself you really shouldn't care. Ugh That didn't sound too cheesy did it?

3. Keeping it Real Doesn't Mean be a Douche 

I would love to say that this one doesn't apply to me and it was really my ex best friend who everyone hated and grew up ugly and hunchbacked, but the truth is in high school it Was me. I wasn't exactly the 'mean girl' because I was a nerd so what could I do? But I was pretty mean to people I thought were beneath me by being not as smart or ugly or whatever I was against that day.

Thankfully I'm not that way now and I honestly did it to make myself feel better. But I've found that some college aged people and even those who are older have yet to learn this particular lesson. There is a distinct difference between being 'real' and being 'an asshole'. I hope no one gets offended by my language I'm really not a sailor but I feel the word fits here. Being 'real' does not mean you whisper to your friends that the girl across the lunchroom looks like a fat cow. That's called being rude.

Being real is telling your friends she has a booger hanging out of her nose or that her boobs pop out too much in her dress. Being real is saying what you feel in your heart like 'Twilight is a stupid series and pickles are gross' as opposed to pretending to like Twilight or pickles.

Talking about people behind their backs or acting like a douche bag does not make you a real it just makes you a horrible person.